My two boys, ages 7 and 10, have been going at it every other day. Yesterday it was over the TV remote and the day before that it was about who gets the window seat in the car. I’m running out of ideas. What do you guys do?
Okay so first thing I do is separate them immediately. No talking, no explaining, no “who started it” interrogation right there in the heat of the moment. My two girls used to fight over the most ridiculous things, once it was about whose shadow was bigger on the wall. I just send them to different rooms, give it 15-20 minutes, and then we sit down and talk. Works way better than trying to mediate while they’re still fuming.
GorillaBlink is right about the cool-down period but I’d add, don’t pick sides. The moment you walk in and immediately comfort one kid over the other, you’ve lost. Both of them feel like you just declared a winner and a loser. I made that mistake with my son and daughter for years, always assuming the older one was at fault. My daughter figured that out fast and used it AGAINST me. Little mastermind.
You’re dealing with two boys, CurtisRowland, so brace yourself, it’s going to be physical sometimes and that’s just biology, lol. What worked for us was giving them a “problem-solving” routine. Literally scripted it out. Step 1: Stop. Step 2: Say what you want. Step 3: Listen to what the other person wants. Step 4: Find something that works for both. Sounds corporate but my kids actually use it now without prompting. Took about 6 months of drilling it in.
Honestly I just let mine sort it out most of the time unless someone’s about to get hurt. Kids need to learn conflict resolution and they can’t do that if you’re jumping in every 5 minutes. My pediatrician told me the same thing, unless there’s real danger, stepping back actually builds emotional intelligence. That said, if it escalates, I step in firm and fast. No yelling from me though. The calmer I am, the faster they calm down. Took me years to figure that one out.
AndroidLab, that’s a great point but I’d say there’s a fine line between letting them work it out and letting it turn into a WWE match in your living room 
. My approach and I swear this works is to make them sit on the couch TOGETHER and come up with a solution before anyone moves. No TV, no phones, no nothing. They have to agree on something. Last time my boys fought over the Xbox, they worked out a schedule themselves in under 10 minutes because they both just wanted to get back to playing. Problem solved.
Can I just say… it’s exhausting? Like CurtisRowland, I feel this post in my bones. My kids are 6 and 9 and some days it feels like I’m refereeing a boxing match all afternoon. What’s helped me the most is carving out one-on-one time with each of them separately. A lot of sibling fights are actually about attention, not whatever they’re physically fighting about. Once I started doing Saturday morning “special time” with each kid individually, the fights dropped by almost half. Not gone, but way more manageable.
SofterWorld nailed it. A lot of sibling conflict is displaced frustration. The remote isn’t really about the remote, it’s about “you always get what you want” or “mom likes you more.” Addressing the root emotion is key. Also, CurtisRowland, with a 7 and 10 year old, I’d watch for the older one asserting dominance in sneaky ways. My older kid used to “let” the younger one win small things so he could bring it up later as leverage. Sibling politics is no joke 
I’m going to be the slightly unpopular opinion here, some parents overprocess this. Not every sibling fight needs a 45-minute family meeting. Sometimes kids just need to hear “stop it” firmly and move on. My parents never sat us down for conflict resolution sessions and my brother and I are best friends now. Just saying. That said, if it’s a pattern, yeah, address it.
RigidDatum, fair point, but there’s a difference between normal squabbling and a pattern. CurtisRowland said it’s every other day, that’s a pattern. What helped us was something simple: a family rule chart on the fridge. Not complicated. Just five rules, written BY the kids. They take more ownership when they write the rules themselves. My 8-year-old literally wrote “No screaming unless there’s a spider” and we all agreed on it
The fridge chart idea from DexterIndex is solid. We did something similar. Also and I can not stress this enough, praise them when they handle conflict WELL. Like, the moment you catch them working something out without fighting, make a big deal of it. “I just saw you two share the iPad without any fuss, that was awesome.” Kids repeat what gets noticed. It sounds small but it genuinely shifts the dynamic over time.
We tried everything, charts, cool-down corners, family meetings. You know what finally worked for my two? Consequences that affected BOTH of them equally, regardless of who started it. If they fight over the TV, TV goes off for the rest of the evening. For both. Zero negotiation. First time I did it, the older one was furious at me. But the next time they got close to fighting, the younger one actually said “stop or we both lose TV.” That was the moment I knew it was working. They started policing each other
TripodMax, that’s brilliant actually. Natural consequences that hit both parties removes the “who wins” dynamic completely. I use something similar. Also, CurtisRowland, one thing nobody mentioned yet: make sure they have enough physical outlets. Especially boys. A lot of the tension that turns into fights is just pent-up energy. We started doing a 30-minute outdoor play session right after school and the after-school fights basically disappeared. Tired kids fight less. That’s just science