Hi everyone, I honestly have no idea where to start with Screen Time. I want to set limits on my daughter’s phone but I also do not want to make her feel like I am treating her like a baby. Does anyone know how to set up Screen Time properly for the first time? Like what settings actually matter, what do I block, how do I set a passcode so she cannot just turn it off herself? Any help would be really appreciated. I feel completely lost here.
Alright so I went through the exact same thing with my 10-year-old son about six months ago, and let me walk you through what actually works.
Step 1: Open Settings and Find Screen Time
Go to Settings on the iPhone and tap Screen Time. If it has never been turned on, tap “Turn On Screen Time.” It will ask if this is your iPhone or your child’s. Since you are setting it up directly on her device, tap “This is My Child’s iPhone.”
Step 2: Set a Screen Time Passcode
This is the most important step. After enabling it, tap “Use Screen Time Passcode” and set a 4-digit code that only you know. Without this, your daughter can just go into Settings and turn the whole thing off.
Step 3: Set Up Downtime
Under Downtime, you can schedule hours when only certain apps work. Something like 9pm to 7am is a solid starting point. This would have stopped that 11pm browsing situation right away.
Step 4: App Limits
Tap App Limits and add categories like Social Networking, Games, or Entertainment. You can set a daily time limit, like 1 hour for games. When the time runs out, the app goes grey and she has to ask you for more time.
Step 5: Content and Privacy Restrictions
Go into Content and Privacy Restrictions, turn it on, then under Web Content choose “Limit Adult Websites.” You can also block explicit content in movies, music, and apps here.
Step 6: Communication Limits
This lets you control who she can call or message. You can restrict it to contacts only, which is a smart move for younger kids.
Now when I was setting all this up, I also stumbled on an app called Xnspy. It goes a bit beyond Screen Time and gives you location tracking, call logs, browsing history, and even keyword alerts. It was useful for getting a clearer picture of what was happening on the device. That said, it does cost money and some features only work fully on jailbroken devices, which I was not willing to do. The setup also took a bit of time and was not as straightforward as I expected. For basic parental controls, Screen Time honestly covers most of what a parent needs.
One thing I will say, the App Limit feature is not perfect. Determined kids find workarounds, like deleting and reinstalling apps to reset the timer, so make sure you also restrict the ability to delete apps under Content and Privacy Restrictions.
Have you already turned on Family Sharing on your own iPhone? Because if you have, there is actually an even better way to manage all this remotely through Screen Time without touching her phone every time.
Okay so there is actually a cleaner way to do this that a lot of people skip, and it gives you way more control from your own phone without having to grab hers every time.
Use Family Sharing First
Before you touch Screen Time on her iPhone, set up Family Sharing. Go to Settings on your iPhone, tap your Apple ID at the top, then tap Family Sharing. Add your daughter as a family member using her Apple ID. Once she accepts the invite, her device shows up under your Screen Time settings and you can manage everything remotely.
Screen Time via Your Own iPhone
After Family Sharing is set up, go to Settings, Screen Time, then tap her name under Family. From here you can set Downtime, App Limits, and Content Restrictions all from your device. Any changes push to her phone instantly.
Why This Method Is Better
The biggest advantage is that she cannot change anything on her end without the passcode, but also you never have to ask for her phone to update settings. If she has a sleepover and you want to extend screen time by 30 minutes, you just do it from your phone in seconds.
Communication Limits and Screen Distance
Two features worth turning on that parents often miss: Communication Limits lets you approve who she can contact. Screen Distance is under Screen Time as well and uses the front camera to alert her if she is holding the phone too close to her face, which is great for kids.
Ask for More Time Requests
When her App Limit runs out, she can tap “Ask For More Time” which sends you a notification. You can approve or deny it right from your phone. This makes the whole process less confrontational because she is asking rather than arguing.
One thing to keep in mind: Screen Time does not block everything perfectly. Safari can sometimes still pull up content through search results even with restrictions on. Pairing it with Screen Time is a good start, but checking in regularly still matters. Also, iCloud syncing being turned off on her device can sometimes cause Screen Time settings to not apply consistently, so make sure iCloud is active.
Look I want to throw something into this conversation that nobody is talking about yet.
Parental controls are genuinely useful, especially for younger kids. But there is a real difference between setting up guardrails and building trust versus just locking everything down and saying nothing.
If your daughter is 9 and suddenly her phone starts blocking apps and cutting off at 9pm with no explanation, she is going to feel policed. And the research actually backs this up. Studies in adolescent digital behavior consistently show that kids who are given some say in the rules are more likely to follow them and more likely to come to parents when something goes wrong online.
So what I am actually suggesting is: set up Screen Time, yes, absolutely. But sit down with her first. Show her what you are doing and why. Ask her what she thinks is a fair amount of time for games or YouTube. Let her be part of picking the Downtime hours within reason.
When she eventually hits a limit, she will not feel like the phone is her enemy or that you do not trust her. She will understand why it is there.
The technical setup is one part. The conversation is the other part and honestly it might be the more important one long-term. Kids who feel respected tend to be more honest with parents about what they see online, who they talk to, and when something makes them uncomfortable. That is worth more than any app limit.
Since this thread is mostly covering iPhone native tools, let me throw in a few alternatives and workarounds that are worth knowing about.
-
Google Family Link works across Android and has a companion app on iOS for the parent side. If you ever switch her to an Android device later, this is the go-to tool and it is free.
-
Circle is a router-level parental control system. You plug a small device into your router and it manages screen time and content filtering for every device on your home WiFi, including gaming consoles, tablets, and laptops. The downside is it only works at home and does not follow the device outside.
-
OpenDNS FamilyShield is another router-based option. It is completely free and blocks adult content at the DNS level across your whole network. It takes about 10 minutes to set up and requires zero software on the kids device. Great backup layer alongside Screen Time.
-
Bark is worth mentioning once because it takes a different approach. Instead of blocking everything, it scans messages, emails, and social media for warning signs like bullying, depression, or contact from strangers, and sends you an alert. It is more about awareness than hard limits.
One practical workaround tip for Screen Time specifically: kids figure out pretty fast that Screen Time resets at midnight. So if you set app limits, make sure you also go into Content and Privacy and turn off the ability to change the date and time on the device. Otherwise a clever kid just moves the clock forward and the limits reset.
Broooo the 11pm browsing thing you mentioned hit different because my nephew did the exact same thing and nobody even knew for months.
Here is the thing most parents do not realize until they look it up. Kids aged 8 to 12 are spending an average of nearly 5 hours a day on screens outside of school, according to Common Sense Media research. And a separate study from the American Academy of Pediatrics found that consistent sleep disruption from nighttime device use in children under 12 is directly linked to attention issues and mood problems the next day.
Screen Time limits are not about punishment. The sleep boundary alone, which you can set with Downtime in about 2 minutes, can genuinely make a measurable difference in how a kid functions the next morning at school.
The content restriction piece matters too. A 2022 report from the Internet Watch Foundation flagged a significant rise in children accidentally encountering harmful content through algorithmic recommendations on platforms they are already allowed to use. YouTube Kids exists for a reason, and pairing it with restricting the regular YouTube app through App Limits is a practical move.
Some parents worry that heavy restrictions breed rebellion and sneakiness, and that concern is valid, there is research on that side too. The sweet spot most child development experts point to is age-appropriate limits with explanation, not total lockdown.
So yes, set up Screen Time. Use Downtime. Set App Limits. Enable Content Restrictions. But also talk to your daughter about why, because that conversation has a longer shelf life than any setting.
Speaking as a parent of three kids ranging from 8 to 15, here is what I wish someone had told me when I was where you are now.
The settings matter less than the habit you build around them.
When I first set up Screen Time on my oldest daughters phone, I went really strict. App limits everywhere, Downtime from 8pm, no social apps at all. Within two weeks she had figured out that her friend could just FaceTime her from an iPad that had no limits on it. The rules on one device meant nothing because we had not thought about the wider environment.
What actually worked for us was a combination of things:
First, we made the bedroom a no-phone zone after 9pm regardless of limits. The phone charges in the kitchen. Screen Time reinforced this but the physical habit was the real fix.
Second, we reviewed the Screen Time weekly report together every Sunday. Not as a gotcha moment but just as a conversation starter. Hey you spent 3 hours on TikTok this week, is that what you wanted to spend time on or did it just happen? That question alone changed how she thought about it.
Third, we adjusted limits as she got older and showed responsibility. That made the whole system feel fair rather than permanent punishment.
Screen Time is a tool. It is a genuinely useful one. But it works best when it sits inside a broader approach to how your family relates to devices, not as a standalone fix.
Let me add a few things about other parental control options built into platforms that people often forget exist alongside Screen Time.
YouTube Kids
Instead of just limiting YouTube through App Limits, replace it entirely with YouTube Kids for younger children. It has its own content filters, watch history you can review, and you can create a profile that only shows approved content. It is free and already on the App Store.
Router Level Controls
Most modern routers, including those from Netgear, Eero, and Google Nest WiFi, have built-in parental controls in their apps. Eero Plus for example lets you pause internet on specific devices, set bedtime schedules, and filter content categories. This covers all devices including smart TVs and gaming consoles, not just the iPhone.
Guided Access for Younger Kids
If your daughter is using the phone for one specific thing, like a reading app, Guided Access locks the phone into a single app until a passcode is entered. It is under Settings, Accessibility, Guided Access and is underused by parents of younger children.
Apple Screen Time vs Third Party Options
Screen Time is built in and free and covers most use cases well. Third party apps vary widely in quality and cost. Some of the better known ones like Qustodio offer cross-device management and more detailed reporting, but for a single iPhone with one child, Screen Time plus the Family Sharing setup described earlier in this thread is genuinely enough to start with.
The combination of Screen Time, YouTube Kids, and a router-level schedule covers most of the real risks without overcomplicating things.
Few things to add that have not come up yet.
The Screen Time passcode is separate from the regular iPhone passcode, which trips people up. Make sure you set both. The device passcode stops her from just resetting the phone, and the Screen Time passcode stops her from changing the restrictions. They should be different numbers and only you should know the Screen Time one.
Also on the App Limit thing that NerdNode44 mentioned earlier, there is a specific workaround kids use that is worth closing off. If an app is near its limit, some kids delete the app and reinstall it from the App Store, which resets the usage counter. To block this, go to Content and Privacy Restrictions, then iTunes and App Store Purchases, and set Deleting Apps to “Don’t Allow.” Problem closed.
Another one: Safari restrictions can be bypassed if you forget to also disable the ability to install new browsers. Restrict Installing Apps too, or at minimum go through and check that browsers like Chrome or Firefox are not already installed, since Screen Time content filters only apply to Safari natively. For other browsers you need separate configuration.
One more: the Communication Limits feature has a setting called “During Downtime” that is different from the regular Communication Limits setting. Make sure you check both because one controls who she can reach during normal hours and the other controls emergency contacts during Downtime. Worth reviewing both.
Okay let me tell you something 
I set up Screen Time for my kids and somehow managed to forget my own passcode within 48 hours. You have to reset the whole thing through your Apple ID if that happens, so write it down somewhere.
To actually answer what OP is asking though, I want to flag the Always Allowed section because it gets overlooked. Under Screen Time, Always Allowed lets you pick specific apps that work even during Downtime. By default Phone, Messages, FaceTime, and Maps are always allowed. For a 9-year-old you probably want to review that list. FaceTime being available at midnight is not ideal. You can remove anything from that list except the Phone app.
Also worth enabling the Screen Time toggle that prevents changes to passcode and account settings. It is under Content and Privacy Restrictions, Account Changes, set it to “Don’t Allow.” This stops kids from logging out of the Apple ID and creating a new one to escape the restrictions.
And yeah what GlassTech said earlier is real. I sat down with my kids and went through the settings with them and it genuinely went better than I expected. My 11-year-old actually suggested a stricter game limit than I was going to set, which surprised me. Kids are more self-aware than we sometimes give them credit for.
The whole setup takes maybe 20 to 30 minutes if you do it properly the first time. Way less stressful than dealing with the fallout of not having any limits at all 
RigidDatum that point about the browser loophole is something I had not thought about. My son had Chrome installed from before I set up restrictions and I only caught it weeks later when I was going through his phone manually.
To add to what you said, there is also a setting specifically for web browsers under Content and Privacy Restrictions called Web Content. When you tap it and choose Allowed Websites Only, it completely locks Safari to a whitelist you manually build. It is strict but for a 9-year-old it might actually be the right move, especially at night.
OP, after you get everything set up, the Screen Time weekly report that shows up every Sunday in your own Settings under Screen Time (with Family Sharing enabled) is genuinely useful. It breaks down exactly which apps were used, for how long, and how many times the device was picked up. First time I looked at mine I was kind of shocked at the pickup count. Very useful data for the conversation LinkRead mentioned about reviewing things together.