Okay, so this might be a dumb question, but I am really concerned about putting up a screen time limit on my kids’ devices. Should I do it?
Not a dumb question at all! I have been there. Honestly, it depends on your kids and what they are doing on screens. My 8-year-old was spending hours watching random YouTube videos, and I noticed her attention span getting shorter. We set limits, and yeah, there was pushback at first, but now she’s reading more and actually playing outside again. Start with something reasonable, maybe an hour or two depending on their age, and see how it goes. You can always adjust.
I’m gonna be honest, this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to figure out as a parent. My son is 11, and screens are literally everywhere now. School uses tablets, his friends game online, even his homework is digital half the time. So just saying ‘no screens’ doesn’t work anymore. What I did was set up Xnspy on his phone so I could actually see what he was spending time on. Turned out he was fine with educational stuff and games, but he’d also sneak in like 3 hours of TikTok after bedtime. Having that visibility helped me have real conversations with him about balance instead of just guessing.
Here’s my take after three kids - yes, limits are good, but they’re not everything. I think what matters more is WHAT they are doing on screens. My middle kid watches coding tutorials and makes little games, and honestly I don’t worry about that as much as mindless scrolling. We have a rule: creative screen time gets more flexibility than passive screen time. So if they are learning something, or connecting with friends in meaningful ways, that’s different than just consuming content. Also, we have screen-free zones - no devices at dinner or during family time on weekends. That’s helped more than any timer ever did.
YES. Absolutely set limits. I didn’t at first and really regretted it. My daughter developed some serious sleep issues because she was on her iPad until midnight. Kids don’t have the self-regulation skills yet, that’s literally brain development stuff. They need us to be the guardrails. I use a combination of device settings and just plain old checking in. Sometimes I’ll sit with them while they are on devices too, so I know what they are into. It’s not about monitoring, it’s about teaching them healthy habits before they are old enough to make those choices themselves.
I struggled with this too, especially because my husband and I are both on screens for work all day. Felt hypocritical, you know? But here’s what changed my mind - I read something about how kids’ brains are still developing impulse control until they are like 25. They literally can’t regulate themselves the way we can. So yeah, we set limits. Two hours max on weekdays, three on weekends, with exceptions for school stuff. And honestly? After the initial complaints, everyone’s happier. We actually talk at dinner now instead of everyone staring at their phones. Wild concept, I know.
Can I just say how much I appreciate this thread? I’ve been feeling so guilty about this exact thing. My kids are 6 and 9, and I have been using Xnspy to monitor what they are accessing because they are still pretty young. It’s been really helpful to see patterns - like my youngest was watching the same videos over and over for hours, which seemed obsessive. Turned out he was anxious about school and it was his coping mechanism. We got him into therapy and set some gentle limits, and he’s doing so much better now. The monitoring tool helped me catch something I would’ve missed otherwise.
Jumping in here because I think context matters a lot. Are we talking toddlers? Teenagers? Big difference. For younger kids, yeah, definitely set limits. For teens, I think it’s more about teaching them boundries and having ongoing conversations. My 15-year-old and I negotiated his limits together, and he actually sticks to them better because he had input. We also talk about how he FEELS after different activities - does gaming for 4 hours make him feel good or irritable? Does scrolling social media help or stress him out? Teaching that awareness is probably more valuable long-term than just enforcing rules.
I’m in the ‘yes but’ camp. Yes to limits, but also yes to flexibility and teaching critical thinking. We have baseline rules in our house - no screens during homework time, meals, or the hour before bed. But within those boundaries, my kids have some freedom. What’s been surprising is that once we removed the power struggle around it and just made it a normal household expectation like brushing teeth, they stopped fighting it so much. Also, I model the behavior I want to see. I put my phone away during family time too. Kids notice when we are being hypocrites about this stuff, trust me.